Campaign activism. For so long it’s been about negatives, bannings, stoppings, full of anti-attitudes.
But now, here today, in glorious technicolour, I am announcing the formation of a pro-positive, cheerleading, bouncy, public movement of natural-born optimists.
“In Praise of Carbon-free Planes” is a new movement all about accentuating the positive of aeroplanes that produce clean air and holy water from their engines, that cost virtually nothing to run and make people exceptionally happy.
It’s a wholesome campaign, a virtuous club of the more-than-willing. There’s nothing at all down, negative, bad or wrong, evil or morally questionable or worrying about Carbon-free Planes. They are calorie-neutral, so you can eat as many as you like in your cereal bowl for breakfast.
Plus, they’re such a light concept, they’re gossamer-thin, wispy and transparent. So, they don’t exist, but that’s no reason not to call for them.
Just like we’re calling for smoke-free, smog-free, Carbon-free Coal. And icky-spill-free, conflict-free, Carbon-free Petroleum Oil. And chemical-free, Carbon-free refineries, exhaust-free particulate-free Carbon-free cars, vans and trucks.
I would fly in a Carbon-free Plane. I’ll travel the world, see wonders old and new, share influenza and the common cold quite safely with previously undiscovered tribeswomen, all rapturously pleased to meet for the very first time, and cook our native dishes for each other.
We will be optimistic, positive, beaming, radiantly happy.
It’s time to throw off the dark cloak of decades of negative struggles and put on the feathers of irrepressible confidence, hope and joy.
We can work with Climate Change. We can boost the Environment to superlative new productivity, fertility. New forests will feast on our excess Carbon Dioxide emissions of the last 300 years. Smiling children will grow organic food. Pensioners will cycle to the local farm shop.
Streams of entirely new freshwater will flow from the centre of the Earth. Oceans will bloom with super new heat-resistant plankton and produce more Oxygen than ever before. Wind Turbines will run at 99.99% efficiency. The world will install very high speed superconducting maglev railways made in China. India will supply the world with 100% recyclable, biodegradable cars that run on inert Nitrogen.
We can run up mountains, we can scale unbelievable heights of human achievement, we can fly forever on in the new, new magic of Carbon-free Planes, made in Mali by people with the highest standard of living of anyone in the world.
Let’s be for something instead of against everything !
Let’s wish for everything, for energy technologies and fuels that can defy the crabby old Laws of Thermodynamics, and be cleaner than snow !
We can carry on burning Coal, all we need to do is spend an infinite amount of new money that we can print tomorrow on perfecting Carbon Capture and Storage and using 30% more Coal fuel, which will always be cheap, no question, to power this technology.
We can carry on digging deeper into rock, sub-sea, kilometres under the surface of the ocean, for more and more exotic oils and gas at amazingly high pressures. What a marvel !
We can find more Natural Gas than you can ever dream possible, just by pumping entirely harmless chemicals into deep rocks under the surface of the land and blowing it out of there, like the wind blows the leaves on an Autumn day. What deep joy !
We can tame the atom some day soon, and make perfectly reliable Nuclear Reactors with entirely harmless waste products, and impeccable safety records.
We can do anything ! We are human beings ! The master species !